| 067--nothing like a good dose of friend ship |
[29 Jul 2006|07:57pm] |
it started out rough and then slowly got better, and better and better and better and b-e-t-t-e-r!
I don't care about what she does anymore or what she wants to do or what she trys to do to hurt me because i don't care!!!
How positive can i get! ALL thanks
to reatrd/pokkie pok hui shan!!!
haha i bet you've turned over a new leaf to GREEN HOHO. evern your layout is green. so yah.. thanks for everything you've done for me, for like 2 and a half years already!!!! (:
I'm going to MUGG like YOU!
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| 066--happy endings from never never land |
[28 Jul 2006|11:15pm] |
"god will make a way
when there seems to be no way
he works in many different ways
he will make a way"
and how true that is.Drama ahs been cancelled tomorrow which means i can come home and study and not be so hassled.
Today was really bad, i felt really bad about some thinfs and some familiar scars re-opened and healed as quickly as the latter happened.
Thank you cheong hui shan!!!!!! for cheering me up when i was feeling reallydown and listening to my one long message of complaints and complaints and complaints. I think i planned too much, before the day even started i was already thinking about the next week and the next month planing school church and dance classes, altogethr, and trying to think of what is going to happen in september,
That really made me stressed, what could be worse, knowing all the problems that may crop out and then thinking about how to solve them for 3 months. So i'm going to throw away my planner ( well not literally) and then start anew with a fresh new outlook, a brand new persona and s disciplined lifestyle.
No more endless ill disciplined tv watching marathons and "gorging" on foods everyday, no naps in the afternoon ( thankfully i have conquered that thanks to the UK time difference when i came back to SIngapore making me frightened of afternoon siestas). No more, no more,no more, a new start a new beginning. Of course, i'm going to try and try and try, and all that irksome behaviour from that person is just making me study all the harder. I must do well, and i know i can, i am a top student ( or i used to be) and thats not going to change, i'm going to work and be like cheong hui and mug my heart out. Making watching korean soaps makes you more intelligent. Bae yong jun numbs the silly, stupid brain cells.
Off to sleep now, and look at tomorrow like a "fresh, new, naked born babe"
so thats two happy endings for me, put down for the record. I guess things will alwyas look up.
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| 065-- insiprational |
[27 Jul 2006|04:34pm] |
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today passed by very quickly and rapidly with all the sciences and math for classes, there was no arts today at all. I've been listening to the Mr. Brown podcasts which i have in fact suscribed to! It's really funny and amusing and you should suscribe to them too, really brightens your day.
I'm going to be so busy i don't even have time to plan what i'm supposed to do and organize all my tests and events.
The poor little carrot was crying today. "the carrot was tearing" and how amusing to my day.
I love my livejournal! and i love my icon!
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| 064-renovatedl; revamped |
[26 Jul 2006|10:35pm] |
I am truly sorry for leaving this wonderful haven, and now am truly happy and delighted, relieved and overjoyed to return to my cave of solace.So many things have happened, alot things have changed, some so major that until now i cannot believe they truly did happen. Why do i love this journal so much i do not understand, but i do know it is the only place where i am truly , true to myself.
How many times can i use the word true, or the word true in other tenses in the same paragraph.
I'm going to carry on, but just to let you know, i usually only post here when i'm feeling to the extremes.
And today is one gloomy, emo day alright.
On the other hand, i may just be coming back to livejournal and reunite with all livejournalling users.
Yes, i think i'll do that.
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| 063--sleepless nights |
[09 Jul 2006|12:07am] |
It's the third night already.Sleepless. Oh,who knows how much i want to sleep and rest and somehow i just can't.I tried all the known hang-over methods, waking up earlier, forcing yourself to adapt to the time zone. Well i'm really adamant towards all those fickle sleepers out there who don't care when, where and why they sleep at at all. If i'm not asleep by 12 ( unless i'm working ) i feel so frustrated.
And thats why i'm typing this because it's already the third night and i haven't got a single wink of sleep. How bad is that.
Listening to soothingmusic helps a little i guess.
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| 062-- do not enter |
[08 Jul 2006|01:55pm] |
this morning was bad. the past few days have been bad. after 18 days in a completely different time zone, i can't seem to adapt back to my normal lifestyle, which is, ironic of course. This morning, in the early hours, arund 1 a.m. i woke up and realised that i couldn't get back to sleep no matter how hard i tried. Then i realised that i couldn't sleep; again. I forced myself to wake up this morning so that i could sleep tonight. the time difference/jet-lag/hangover is practically killing me.
I feel a sense of heat, a sense of leathargy that feels wrong it shouldn't be there. Not now, not ever. I feel sticky, in lay man's terms, like jell-o on a flat plat. I try and fail, try and fail and then give in to hopelessness. which doesn't make any sense at all. I don't undersatnd things, and get frustrated when i dont, nearly all the time. All the mumble jumble inside of me needs to come out. Needs to spurt out in great glory light and sound shows for all to see, in fountains of water that spurt and fly and shoot and swim to the music to the roar, the claw, the moan of grief from my troubles. And simple things can make me so happy, yet simple tyhings exasperate me all the more. The unfairness of it all, is unjust, why this and why that. And of course the flip side of the coin why not this and why not that. I don't know what i'm feeling. it seems ot be a kind of empty void that i need to feel. How cliced a statement yet so true. The silliest, most trivial things make me so unhappy, yet make me happy again. his swirling of complicated emotions, that seems to be uncontrollable. This stilted, respomse, from a passionate heart that cannot pull away that cannot leave,nor live, die, nor not die.
The things that i thought could help me most, are pulling me back the things that i thought would be of most use to me, are trying to pull me, like green vines and tendricels that wind and spin around me, like i'ma ball of yarn and there's a great white cat that plays with me. Pushes me, trying to see where my breaking, my tearing, my pulling-apart point is. And as i hear these thoughts played out in my head, i think. yet i don't know what to think. as this series of contradictions and conflicts, this war, this senselessness, disintegrates. As if i've been holding it so gingerly in my hands forever, and now, it's time has come and it's leaving me, it's as if i've anticipated it all my life, known that it will come, yet not accepting it, living in that film, that water, that state of drunkness that i know does not exist, yet exists within me. I know, i know, i know, yet this sense of doubt is everything. This sense of not knowing what who where why. Yet trying, trying so hard, yet failing, and picking myself up again to another failure, to another set back another humpon the road, anpther lump on my skin, like marks they put on tattoos, each failure, one dot, each set back a coloured pigment on my skin. and soon a picture is formed on my body, a figure of art a work of art a composition like music a feast to the eyes and the ears. all the senses will be aroused, everything will give attention to this. This thing standing so upright, like stones on the top of hill. And the sun, the moon, the stars, the clouds will watch on in wonder, trying to do something by blowing themselves over, yet they are so constricted by their own selves, that do nothing, they try, but all they can do is that. ANd that leaves me like a blade of coloured grass, in a techni-coloured movie, swaying in the wind although i do not want to. What more, what more, do i want and what more do i have. nothing.
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| 061-- I wandered lonely as a cloud |
[19 Apr 2006|04:45pm] |
Today was a morbid representation of the cold war. Between me, myself and i.
Everything seemed pretty fuzzy and inside it was cold hard rock. You know how it is, when someting kicks you when you're down. Just as you think you can deal with it, and then a few more upsetting blows come rushing past you.I spent time thinking today, so i went earlier for the Literature lecture. And as i looked down on the little girls with tap shoes clacking their way across the courtyard, and the filtering sun, and dreamy trees. I wondered if life was that good, or that bad for that matter. Wondered if things could get any worse or any better in fact. I'm not apeased with the world or anything else right now. Things bother me, irritate me and drive me to the core. And yet i tell myself that i can do it, and that i can get through it, but sometimes htings get too hard to resist, and you've just got to let it go.
I wrote a hiaku today, and somehow it was interestingly peaceful, and restful, and helped me gain some kind of counter-balance to my day. Looking at nature was somehow just an aphrodisiac to myself.
Tomorrow is just another day, another passing day, or will it be The Day another one of those "de" days. I don't know what tomorrow will bring or the day after or the next. Or even what's going to happen in the next second. And that was when i realised how vulnerable a state i was in, and how fragile i was. That i could fall from a one storey high building and just break, crack from tension and whatever not. Sometimes you try to hard, and it's difficult to let go of that jealousy that you harbour or that anger that you keep. But i know i got to let it go.
###
We watched Macbeth today in literature. Good representation, i'm beggining to really, really enjoy Macbeth now. And i'm actually looking forward to studying for the test :)
A drea-ful double physics tomorrow, due to some teacher, teacher conspiring. bleh.
And i shall carry on the search to find, Mr. Jo's haven.
and the shrinkled, wrinkled leaves,
will cry " crinkle, crinkle 'ittle tar"
and leave to die in basking sunlight glory
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| 060--orange strangulation cords |
[17 Apr 2006|10:11pm] |
It's been about two months. And here is the arrival and revival of this artefact of nature. I've missed it so much, and i'm glad that i'm back in this hearty, jolly atmosphere.
Today i was in quite a muddle. Life has been, is, and will be so busy. I end up thinking about what's going to happen next week every moment of the day instead of the day itself so that i can prepare myself. Hectic schedules and ballet, dance, art, drama and everything. If my life were a musical, right now it would be a great cacophony of sounds.
That reminds me,a rock star wanted to name his daughter cacophony.
My father just came in and shouted at me. More noise to add to the cacophony.
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| 059-- after so long. |
[16 Apr 2006|09:56pm] |
it's nice to have a reunion with my memories, these loving entries so carefully put together. I will always love this. And that is whjy i am back. ANd that is why i will carry on.
I shall love.
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| 058-- just to let you KNOW |
[15 Mar 2006|10:56am] |
:) i told some people about my new blog! But don't worry 'cause i haven't moved, i just wanted to have a blog with some sort of template! ( fickle)
Anyway, i'm proud of myself today because i finally revised my exponential equations and logarithmns for A math. Other than that, i downloaded another gigabyte of songs ( legally) and did art! yay, it's been a productive morning!There are so many things i want to do. I want to learn drums, switch from ballet to lindyhop, and join a poetry bi-club. But there isn't enough time, and i wish there was.
On the other hand. I just ate ferro rocher. yummy.
ps: this song is dedicated to jacqueline pokpok aka the capillery, rui xian aka the heart and caroline aka the artery!
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| 057--gone with the wind |
[14 Mar 2006|01:54pm] |
today i realised that i'm going to be 15 in 15 days time!
My mom's birthday is in 4 days time, my brother's birhtday is in 10 days and mine in 15.
It's quite nice to be a year older, 1 year closer to being an adult, and one year away from being a child. I think i'm still very much of a child though. I was just reading Sophie's world, which is the book i'm doing for english book report. And some of the things they say there are very true: like that we soon take the world as a habit and we feel like nothing can surprise us, so if we see a dog walking on the street we're bored, but if we see it flying in the air, we're quite amazed.
My birthday is next next saturday. I'm quite looking forward to it, because i'll be spending it catching up with friends.
Off and back to studying because i have the time.
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| 056-- later |
[13 Mar 2006|06:54pm] |
I'm late for ballet already. I'm supposed to be there now, but my mom isn't ready yet.
This morning, everything was sorted out, and in the afternoon i went to caroline's house.
So today i didn't study that much!
Tomorrow shall be study hard day, i will STUDY.
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| 055-- cheering |
[12 Mar 2006|07:53pm] |
 Dear Santa...
Dear Santa,
This year I've been busy!
In October I caught a purse-snatcher who stole ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=92.2) seraphicera's purse (30 points). In September I got in line at the supermarket at the same time as someone else and I didn't yield (-8 points). Last Monday I punched monster_ballads in the arm (-10 points). In January I helped freedom_destiny see the light (8 points). In June I helped lolliegirl hide a body (-173 points).
Overall, I've been naughty (-153 points). For Christmas I deserve a spanking!
Sincerely,
primose-trees |
i did the santa thing. And it's pretty funny. Things are looking up quite a bit.
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| 054--this always, always happens |
[11 Mar 2006|05:10pm] |
On a brighter note, this morning i went to PS with jacqueline and Rui xian and had fun.
On the other note, i'm going off.
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| 053-- YES |
[07 Mar 2006|07:58pm] |
its 3 days to the (one week) holidays! I'm quite looking forward to them as a time to catch up on work and catch up with friends and long awaited lunch dates.Yesterday i ran 1500 m. And I'm proud of myself for compelting it and coming in top 10! :) YAY!
Anyway, i got back my biology test results, and their good! :) another YAY!
On the other hand. Physics test is this friday. But once it'sover, i'll be free and free and free for the holidays.
Discussing drama fest with Tsao now
:)
HIPHIP HURRAH
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| 051--shopping |
[04 Mar 2006|09:02pm] |
oh. i badly need to shop. I havne't stepped in a shop for one week! which is really sad. I also haven't written anything for one week! It's a pretty good break for me i guess. And then i can start writing anew. Anyway this afternoon i just deicided to relax, so i watched two romance movies. Laws of Atrraction and Alex and Emma. I like Alex and Emma. Because it's so SWEET and it's basd completely on writing :) Luke Wilson looks alot like his brother--Owen Wilson-- too. :)
Anyway.. there's lots of things coming up! So i'll list them down
#1. Physics test this thursday
#2. MARCH HOLIDAYS next week
#3. lunch date with CAMILLA
#4. Youth sunday
#5. My brother's brithday
#6. My birthday
#7. Sports day
HAH.
Anyway i found this information on my birthday.(accidentally)
You are 14 years old.
You are 179 months old.
You are 778 weeks old.
You are 5,451 days old.
You are 130,832 hours old.
You are 7,849,939 minutes old.
You are 470,996,352 seconds old.
Your age is the equivalent of a dog that is 2.1334637964775 years old.
How.. interesting.
Off to sleep!!!
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| 050-- :) |
[04 Mar 2006|09:09am] |
a little love over here.
I'm back from OBS. and it was great. I really did get bitten quite badly, worse then the rest of the people in my watch and everything, but still i had the most memorable experience ever. My watch--Camilla, Joey, Li en, Allison, Jillian, Tiffiany, Stephanie,Wei Zhen, Li tong, Inez, Kayi, Elissa, Charlene, Lynette-- was great. Weworkes so well together, had meals together, slept in the same tents and it wasnreally fun! I miss all of them already. I learnt so much that I AM STRONG because i can carry a jerrican ( 10 litres of water) on my own!
There are so many funny tales and little snippets of OBS that i want to share, but it'll take so long so i'm just going to do shout outs instead.
Camilla: HI BUDDY! I'm so glad you're in my watch! I had a really great time with you. And once again, i'm sorry when i was giving up in the kayak, or irritated when i didn't know what to do, or just plain annoying when i start to ramble, and when i took so long to gather my clohes before going to the shower. Thanks for being patient with me an d always encouraging me even though you yourself was tired.:) lovelovelove
Joey: HELLO! haha. I miss you dear! haha. You're so funny always maing me laugh and it was really fun sharing and pitching a tent with you dear!!!!! HOHOHO. hope you manage to finish those two peices of art work that are supposed to be due soon!
Tiffany: HI!!!!! haha. you're one of the strongest people i know both physically and mentally. BEcause you weren't afraid to go first like kayaking the single kayak or jumping into the quarry! and you were a great navigator during our sea expedition!
Jillian: GREAT COOKING!
Allison: haha. you never fail to make people laugh and you're alwyas BRIGHT! HAHA.
WEI ZHEN: YOU'RE a great gossiper!!!! haha. Had a wonderful time together talking and laughing at ; THE NOSE, THE GOAT, THE PREGNANT INSTRUCTOR, and so much more! haha. i will carry on saving biscuits
CHarlene: YOU're "SOT" too!!! and i like "SOT" people so thats okay! You're really funny and bubbly!!
Li en : HAHAHAHA. WHOOPSIEDOO.HO HUM
KAYI: YOU were really great and brave climbing the rock wall even though you were afraid of heights and being up there for so long and everything.Thanks for lending me your orange mug!!!!!!!!!!!
Elissa:HAHAHA> thanks for being there for me, and like giving me WATER!
haha thats all! I miss all the people in my watch! and we should definetely stay in touch! :)
Off to take a shower.
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| 049--a picture post |
[26 Feb 2006|07:28pm] |
From left to right: Lady McDuff, Lady Macbeth, Gentle woman
From left to right: Lady McDuff, Lady Macbeth, Gentle woman
Left to right: Me, Jacqueline
Left to right: Hui shan, Me.
Left to right: Me, Carine
Left to right: Hui shan, jacqueline, me.
BYEBYE!!!!
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| 048-- nerves of cotton wool |
[26 Feb 2006|05:03pm] |
Today today today. Church and Bible study was good, choir was good.Lunch was good. Came back and did E amth quiz which was quite bad! :(
Anyway, i'm going for OBS tomorrow. So this will be my last post before a 5 to 6 day hiatus.The weekend passed quite fast. And now it has finally sunk in that i am going to OBS for real. You know what, i am really looking forward to it. After all the complaining and moaning and groaning i really want to go and test my own limits. Even though i'm actually really scared of heights and stuff,i'll try my best and come back contented. Everything has been packed except the Powder, Fork and spoon, candles and a mug. Hoots.
Onelast dinner with my family after this! :)
Goodbye, loves kexin.
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